It's Just A Little Crush
I was using the increasingly more invaluable NDLNA, and I came across SubwayDomer's suggestion that Tom Zbikowski could somehow possibly win the Heisman. Even if Weis uses Zibby in every way conceived in the post, that entire idea is such fantasy that you can't even bet money on it. You'd have to bet Tribbles, lightsabers, Basilisk fangs - something completely and totally imaginary to make the wager even somewhat realistic.
But then I realized that SubwayDomer's favorite is probably Zibby, and he's just crushing on him. There's nothing wrong with a good football man-crush, as it takes that extra step from just supporting someone to getting kind of creepy about it that we all reach in relation to something in our life. The first time Armando Allen touches the ball, Rob won't see the result of the play as he'll have passed out from the sheer joy (and shotgunning at the tailgate) of seeing his baby get his first carry or catch. For me, it's all about Demetrius Jones. The very idea of Jones as our starting quarterback for this entire season makes me woozy in a great, irrational way nearly incapable of explanation, but I'll try anyway.
After spending my formative years of football video gaming as my beloved Dolphins, I was quite adept at using the pocket passer (Mr. Marino) to wreck havoc on my friends. One fateful evening, a competitor was using the Steelers with Kordell Stewart, who wasn't a running joke in Western PA at this time and instead was Slash, the multi-tasking video terror who could not be stopped by normal defenses. I realized immediately that if your quarterback could pass and run, why the hell wouldn't you want that instead of one that could just pass?
I'm not talking about option quarterbacks incapable of throwing the ball more than fifteen yards downfield (Stephen McGee?), but instead your dual threats: Vince Young, Troy Smith, Steve Young, Brad Smith, Seneca Wallace, Donovan McNabb, Who Let The Dogs Out? Vick, John Elway, Omar Jacobs. Even if they had poor touchdown to interception ratios, they were a big play threat through the air and on the ground, effectively forcing the defense into uncomfortable position after uncomfortable position (like going for it on fourth down). I began to utilize only running quarterbacks, revolving my Madden teams around Vick and in perhaps one of the most remarkable feats in video game history, winning consecutive national championships on NCAA Football 2006 with Darrin Bragg as my quarterback.
This fascination with the running quarterback - the idea that you don't need a steady running game, consistent receivers and a good offensive line to compete; just one man continually making things happen against usually superior opponents to keep his team in the game - was put on the back burner when Charlie Weis came to town and hooked up with Brady Quinn, because winning makes everything fun (except for the San Antonio Spurs). I never thought Weis would try to mold an offense around such a quarterback when he'd never done so in previous coaching stints, but much like Bill Walsh, Lawrence Taylor and the West Coast offense evolved the left tackle position, slowly the quarterback position is becoming a scrambling man's game, and I'm sure Coach Weis realizes that.
It's quite rational to guess that Weis will start Sharpley or Jimmy Clausen because he won't want to completely change his offense for Jones, but let me be irrational for a bit. Let us - just for this moment - forget DJ's rather awkward (painful-to-watch?) release, because I know that's an issue, and let us forget that Weis has never before consistently used a scrambling quarterback in his offense before. Demetrius would add something special to an offense - hell, a team - that has a lot of question marks. Maybe we lose just as many games with him under center as we would a slower, more traditional quarterback, but at least we'll go down swinging, with receivers getting more time to get separation from the corners as Jones scrambles, and blitzers not having a stationary target to hit after potentially tearing through the hazy parts of our offensive line. It's not like either Jimmy Clausen or Sharpley are John Navarre or Vinny Testaverde - they're both athletic guys - but they're not the caliber of athlete that Jones is.
So that's my crush - my temporary dropping of boundaries and sanity for the sake of thinking of the good times that could be - and until the season ends and Jones has been converted to back-up wide receiver, I shall keep that love in my heart. SubwayDomer can lust for Zibby, Rob can pine for Armando Allen's success and you all can reach out for that special someone on the Irish, but just try not to crush my dreams until Charlie does it with an announcement before the Georgia Tech game.
A few other football crushes?
On the city of New Orleans: How I wish we weren't in a rebuilding year when the national championship is in New Orleans. I will absolve Kevin White of all (well, most: the new BCS deal is beyond reprieve) of his past crimes if he somehow gets the Irish tie-ins to the New Orleans, Hawaii and Las Vegas Bowls for years we might only squeak out six or seven wins (which won't be many years after this season, but just in case), because where else would you want to spend your bowl season if your team falls short of a New Years Day bowl? If you close your eyes and think really hard, you can picture a surprising 10-win Irish team squaring off with the SEC Champion Florida Gators - finally, Meyer vs. Weis - in the Sugar Bowl. If you do that same exercise, only hold your breath for a minute or so before, the last thing you'll see before the total darkness comes will be a plane carrying you and the rest of NDNation in the N'awlins on January 5th, just to properly get lathered up for some championship....
On Sunday Morning Quarterback: I have no idea how he writes so much and still maintains the same level of greatness throughout. Having fun with JoePa (attack, Penn State fans!), previewing the Big East and reflecting on Ingmar Bergman at the same time and spending a week previewing every conference perhaps more thoroughly than you could explain your own team to an innocent bystander. I can understand why a newspaper hasn't picked up Matt yet - his genius would be lost on them - but if some highfalutin magazine like The New Yorker wanted someone to cover college football in a way everyone could appreciate, sign SMQ up.
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